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General Commentaries

Online homicide (or why divorce is bad even virtually, haha)

While doing my usual round of monitoring, I came across this funny little article from Wired:

“Woman Arrested After Killing Virtual Ex-Husband.”

In brief, a Japanese woman who plays Maple Story hacked the password of a colleague and used that person’s account to hunt her, uh, online husband and, uh… kill him.

In two of the three games I regularly play, marriage is not part of the system (yet); I think the Koreans who own RF, CCR, will eventually feature it in our little war-torn universe because every other game that originates from the AsPac has it, but I don’t think Blizzard will have its players doing online nuptials anytime soon. Imagine your Undead ‘locke marrying that gorgeous, lotsa-skin-showing Blood Elf Hunter, to the envy of the rest of the population.

(and then finding out that “she” is a “he”. Ha, ha. How drool. No offense meant to my homosexual friends, ha)

But… Ha, ha.

I’m sorry. I know it was serious enough for the perp to risk a 5-year jail sentence to use someone’s account to pawn her now-former husband. Hell, maybe the guy deserved it, too, since she said he never even informed her of the divorce. Anyone would be dissed at a jilting.

But… Ha, ha.

You see, I’d have doen it this way, in case RF had a marriage system and I somehow found myself tying the knot with someone online: I would have sobbed inconsolably on the shoulders of my Guildies. Then, after the customary mourning period, I would place a call or Boards message with friends in the Accretian Empire or the Holy Alliance of Cora, asking them to PK that jilter’s sorry ass every which way ’till Sunday until she gets so scared to leave the Settlements. Hell, I’ll even grab my own Accretian and HUNT HER DOWN with my Spec and its debuff grenades INSIDE the Settlements. Or my Corite, with his debuff spells. No VEA for you, bitch!

And then, THEN, when she’s sobbing on her knees in front of me, asking to please, please stop the pain, I would gently stroke her hair, gently pull her chin up to face mine…

… as my name goes red from the Chaos Potion. Then I’ll give her the debuff sequence that has felled highbies countless times, and make her feel MY pain with all the GM-level spells at my command.

Then, on top of her lifeless corpse, I would throw our wedding ring and say, “ok, now I forgive you.”


Paid in full, justice served, and no jail time for me.

And I’m more emo than that Jap.


Understand that if I deserve the (online) jilting, I’ll be the first to feed myself to, say, Dagnu. I would also stop at the “crying inconsolably” part if the parting was amicable and with notice.

But if you cross me? I much prefer people who cross me to know, just before they die, how much of a mistake it was.

Why should I go to jail for an ass or a bitch?



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